When Jada Pinkett Smith revealed that she and husband Will Smith have been separated and living completely different lives for seven years, internet shock ensued.
Fans began replaying clips from the duo's public appearances over the years, looking for signs that showed they were putting on an act, with some saying that their behavior was "embarrassing." On "The View," co-host Ana Navarro said that she believed Pinkett-Smith revealed the news now as a tactic to sell more copies of her upcoming memoir, "Worthy."
Meanwhile, others defended the duo, suggesting their decision to keep their relationship shift private for so long showed that they care deeply about each other.
Though the internet seems to be divided on the high-profile couple's secrecy, it's clear that their strategy has been working for their relationship, Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and author of "The New Monogamy," told Insider.
"They basically took the power back and said, 'It's really nobody's business to tell us how to live, or if we're doing this the right way or the wrong way,'" Nelson said. "In their case, not telling the public was important," Nelson said.
Nelson, who hasn't treated Pinkett Smith or Smith, said that choosing to withhold private relationship information from others isn't necessarily a sign of deception, or that a couple is ashamed of their relationship.
Rather, keeping certain details under wraps can be a way to protect what matters most to two partners, such as their children's privacy, their respect for each other, and their desire to live freely, even if that means defying norms about monogamy and traditional marriage, Nelson said.
Pinkett Smith and Smith's seven-year secret shows they want to protect their marriage, a couples therapist says
Since Pinkett Smith revealed their seven-year separation, there's been plenty of speculation about certain highly publicized moments throughout the years – like Smith slapping Chris Rock after making a joke about Pinkett Smith's alopecia, and Pinkett Smith saying she had an "entanglement" with singer August Alsina.
Fans have also recirculated a 2017 clip of Pinkett-Smith on "Watch What Happens Live," where she offers a vague response when host Andy Cohen asks about how she and Smith keep their marriage hot. "I don't know! I mean, I'm baffled, really," Pinkett Smith says in the clip.
On X, some people speculated whether these moments were deceptive stunts or cover-ups for a larger relationship problem, and others called Pinkett Smith a "liar" and "self-absorbed."
Right now, it's impossible to say their motivations for these behaviors, or why Pinkett Smith decided to share their separation so many years into it. Regardless of their reasons, the duo's decision shows they value integrity, and their commitment to each other, Nelson told Insider.
"Clearly they made this choice together about what they wanted to keep private," Nelson said.
Even if Pinkett Smith and Smith told lies or half-truths to keep their relationship status under wraps, it's possible that they didn't have another choice if they wanted to protect their dynamic while also staying true to themselves and their evolving needs and desires, Nelson said.
To her, their move is a sign they both have integrity, or the ability to be their complete and whole selves in their dynamic, even if it means structuring their relationship in a way that's different than the norm.
She said that there's still a lot of societal judgment around marriage separations, which could have led Pinkett Smith and Smith to be tight-lipped over the years in order to avoid unwanted judgment while they prioritize integrity in their marriage.
Marriages change all of the time, and you're allowed to keep that private, a therapist says
Self-exploration and acceptance could be another reason that couples like Pinkett Smith and Smith may withhold news of their separation, according to Nelson.
She said that it's a misconception that there's one "right" way to be in a marriage or relationship. In reality, it can take on many forms like living apart, having outside sexual partners in private, or having other partners in public for the world to see.
"Just like we each grow through developmental phases into adulthood where we change as people, our relationships grow and change and develop through different phases," Nelson said. She's seen this in her own work with couples who decide to open their marriages in some capacity.
"Maybe, as a couple and who they are individually, they're in a different place now than seven years ago," Nelson said. "Maybe seven years from now, they'll be somewhere else."
Pinkett Smith's and Smith's tactics – making the intentional choice to adjust their marriage, and prioritizing privacy while they figured that out – could be helpful for any couple who feels dissatisfied with traditional monogamy, according to Nelson.
