If you're at the point where you're haggling over salary, your relationship with your employer could be in trouble: Waving a competing offer at your boss might not end well.
I've been in the business world for over 40 years, including serving as Microsoft's vice president of human resources. In my experience, you shouldn't seek or accept a counteroffer. The result could be ugly.
If your employer's forced to make you a counteroffer, the company might feel it's been held hostage. Your bosses might not trust you again. What's to prevent you from going out and getting another offer next month and holding them hostage yet again?
The company could be wary. You might not be trusted with sole ownership of projects — you could leave before they're finished. You might not get additional training or opportunities — why invest in someone who might be out the door soon?
It's possible you wouldn't even get the raises or promotions you might've otherwise deserved. If resources are in short supply, the company might give them to people who don't appear at risk of leaving.
You may get your counteroffer, but that might be all you'll get. You've clarified that your relationship with the company is purely economic. "Fine," they may say. "We can play that game, too."
The delicate trust bond is gone.
The one time to haggle
When negotiating your initial job offer, discussing compensation and haggling over salary is fine and often expected. During that time, all points of your employment are open for agreement. You and your future employer are trying to come to terms to figure each other out.
It's perfectly reasonable, even encouraged, to push back on the terms of your job offer.
When the salary-negotiation window has passed
Once you've been at a job for a while, everything changes. You've established yourself as a competent, even outstanding, employee. Your employer knows you and your work, and the terms of your relationship are stable.
If you get another job offer and bring it to your employer, they could be caught off guard. They might even be hurt. It doesn't matter if you've previously used your one-on-one time with your manager to clarify your need for more compensation. Threatening to leave changes everything.
You've gone as far as to interview and pursue another job — all the way to the point of a firm offer. It's likely your current employer would feel some sense of betrayal.
It's not fair
The company that's now questioning your loyalty has none for you. At the first sign of a downturn or struggle with performance, you'd be let go in a heartbeat. It's not a fair or equitable relationship, but you likely already knew that.
A delicate balance of trust has been broken. Your employer assumed you'd continue to work under the existing terms. You've surprised them by being willing to walk away — for what? More money.
Looking for another job means you're willing to move on
Many components make up a job: the work, the people, the culture, the products, the mission, and, yes, the compensation. But when you've already interviewed and received an offer from another company, that indicates you're willing to move on from the many other components of your current job.
Something besides money is probably also not right where you are — something money alone can't fix. Even if money is the only reason you're interviewing with other companies, you need to ask yourself why your current company is only willing to offer you the money you deserve when you threaten to leave.
The answer is often depressing: because it didn't think you were worth it, and it's only offering it now because it's in a bind.
Should you even take a counteroffer?
What I've seen happen next depends on the situation. A company can often turn on you and escort you to the door. Other times, if your position or the situation is critical, your employers may try to convince you to stay.
They might try the nonmonetary approach first. They'll talk about how much you enjoyed the work, your peers, the challenges, the perks, and so on. They might even speak highly of your potential future there.
Beyond that, they'll occasionally try to counteroffer to convince you to stay. They'll match or beat the offer from outside. But the question is: Should you take it?
Either take the new job or don't
You should never take a counteroffer.
What almost always happens is that you've made your terms clear: You're just at the company for money. As the saying goes, "Not that there's anything wrong with that," but the pretense is all gone. Your relationship with your job is different. It's purely economic.
My advice is, either take another job or don't. Don't expect your employer to counteroffer because they might not. And whatever you do, don't use an outside offer as leverage unless you're 100% willing to take that other job. It may very well be the only one you have.
If you get a counteroffer and accept it, the terms of your employment become completely different. And you might not like that new relationship at all.
Chris Williams is a former VP of HR at Microsoft. He's an executive-level advisor and consultant with over 40 years of experience leading and building teams.
