Strategy

Here's exactly what to say when you’re running really late to a first date

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woman hailing a cab in nyc
Don't freak out.  Timothy Krause/Flickr

The only thing worse than being stuck in gridlock and imagining your date waiting awkwardly outside a bar is figuring out how to tell said date that they may be waiting even longer.

Which is why a natural impulse here is to avoid texting or calling at all to say that you're running super late.

This is a great idea — if you want to make the situation even more uncomfortable than it needs to be. 

That's according to relationship expert Andrea Syrtash, author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's A Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It," who says that she often sees people "procrastinate" on admitting that they're running late. 

"The irony," Syrtash said, "is that the more we try to avoid an awkward situation, the worse it is."

Here's an example of what you should tell the person waiting for you:

"I'm stuck in traffic. I'm so sorry. Please feel free to order an appetizer or a drink and I'm excited to see you soon!"

Syrtash recommends sending your date a heads-up text as soon as you know you're going to be late. 

If you realize in the afternoon that you might get stuck at work this evening, let the person know so you two can move your date later. On the other hand, if it looks like there's traffic or train trouble ahead and your date is already on their way, at least tell the person so they don't think they've been stood up. 

Above all, don't freak out. Yes, first impressions matter, but your date is (presumably) a human being just like you and has been in a similar situation. Apologize when you get there and move on.

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Shana was a correspondent for Insider, where she covered career development and workplace culture.In 2022, she published "Don't Call It Quits" to help professionals who feel stuck in their careers find greater happiness at work.Shana spearheads the HR Insider series, for which she's interviewed talent chiefs at Microsoft and Goldman Sachs, shared tips from an ex-Googler on knowing when to change jobs, and demystified the hiring process at Salesforce. She regularly publishes news analysis; past topics have included burnout among US workers, gender and racial dynamics within HR, and the hybrid workplace.She has moderated programs at Chief and the Harvard Business School Club of New York and has appeared on Cheddar and Bold TV.Before beginning her career in journalism, Shana studied English and psychology at Brandeis University and received her master's degree in English literature from Columbia University.